


not good enough

by thepessimisticasshole



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, poor bby baz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5565616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepessimisticasshole/pseuds/thepessimisticasshole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: simon realizes he's gay in his seventh year- and he falls in love with another boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not good enough

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: all characters belong to rainbow rowell

“baz-” 

snow’s voice is uncharacteristically nervous, and it makes baz look up. he’s stood by the window, wringing his hands nervously- but there’s a flush in his cheeks, and it looks like happiness.

he’s not been really happy for a long time. 

“baz, er- so i was wondering if- _i met someone_ ,” he blurts, face flushed. “like, i broke up with agatha, ages ago- you know- and i met someone else, and i was wondering if, like, you’d mind terribly if they came up here.”

if they came up here.

“how could they-” and then baz’s heart drops through his chest, through the floorboards, buries itself in cement because-

he could have been an option. 

he just wasn’t- isn’t- good enough.

“i see. yes, of course.” and he manages to keep the bitterness out of his voice, somehow, and he almost sounds friendly. which might be the reason for the suspicious look simon sends him. 

“you’d better not hex him,” he says, voice catching on ‘him’- _he must really like him_ , thinks baz. and it tears at his chest.

_not good enough._

“of course not, snow, it’s you i hate.”

and simon’s grinning, bounding out of the stairs to get his stupid boyfriend and baz wants to do something- set off a spark or something he doesn’t know-

but he just continues studying. and when simon and him come up and hold hands and giggle shyly he imagines what it would be like, going up in flames. which is how he keeps a calm exterior.

and how neither of them look at him oddly as he walks out- to cry, to rage, to scream, to catch alight like flash paper- 

he doesn’t know.

_not good enough._


End file.
